


oh holy night

by babypapaya



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Bible Quotes (Abrahamic Religions), Christmas, Crack Treated Seriously, Entire Grid Appears, Gen, Nativity scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babypapaya/pseuds/babypapaya
Summary: And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Liberty Media, that all the Formula One franchise participate in marketable Christmas activities.The 2020 F1 drivers are requested to play out the nativity story, for marketing purposes. Read alongside Luke 2:1-18, and Matthew 2:1-12
Comments: 16
Kudos: 48





	oh holy night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the soup kitchen](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+soup+kitchen).



> this certainly happened!

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Liberty Media, that all the Formula One franchise participate in marketable Christmas activities.

(And this decree was first made when Chase Carey was CEO of the Formula One Group.)

And all drivers were assigned a role in the F1 nativity scene, each according to his own team.

And Sebastian went up from Ferrari, out of the city of Maranello, into Abu Dhabi, unto the last race of the season, which is called Yas Marina Circuit; (because it was the race closest to Christmas:)

To act his role in the crèche with Charles his teammate, being their last race together.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the season-ending festival was conducted, and all drivers were given custom race suits and helmets for their costumes, and herded upon a stage to perform the holy nativity scene.

And Charles brought forth Roscoe Hamilton, and wrapped him in a tire blanket, because there was no baby to actually play Jesus in the nativity reenactment. And there was no room for them in the inn, to the chagrin of Romain, the innkeeper, and his wife, Kevin.

And there were in the same country, Lewis and Valtteri, Mercedes shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. The belligerent sheep comprising the flock were known to the world as Daniel, Esteban, Lando, Carlos, Checo, and Lance. 

And lo, Nico Rosberg, the angel of the Lord, came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them: and they were not sore afraid, but they were speechless with surprise.

And Nico Rosberg said unto them, Fear not; for, beyond, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

And Lewis cried out unto the angel of the Lord, I was never motherfucking afraid of you, but Nico Rosberg only looked at Valtteri instead, and continued:

For unto you is found this day in Yas Marina a puppy, which is Roscoe Hamilton.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the pup wrapped in a tire blanket, on a leash held by Charles Leclerc. 

And suddenly there was with Nico Rosberg a multitude of retired drivers, the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And it came to pass, as Nico and the retired drivers were gone away from them into heaven, the Mercedes drivers said one to another, Let us now go even unto Yas Marina, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

Lewis said unto Valtteri; that’s my dog and I don't know why Angela let Charles take him for this shitshow. 

So they came with haste, the six sheep in tow, and found Charles, and Sebastian, and the pup in the tire blanket. Also in the stable were two cows, portrayed by men known to the world as Max and Nico Hulkenberg. 

Now when Roscoe was found in Yas Marina of Abu Dhabi in the days of Christian Horner the king, behold, there came wise men from the east, known as Alex Albon, Pierre Gasly, and Daniil Kvyat, to the FIA headquarters,

Saying, Where is he that is known as Roscoe Hamilton? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to pet him. 

When Christian Horner the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all the FIA with him.

And when he had gathered all the stewards and marshals of the sport together, he demanded of them where Roscoe should be found.

And they said unto him, In Yas Marina of Abu Dhabi: for thus it is written,

And thou Yas Marina, in the land of Abu Dhabi, art not the least among the race circuits: for out of thee shall come a dog, that shall rule the F1 paddock.

Then Christian Horner, when he had privily called the wise men, enquired of them diligently what time the star, played by Nicholas Latifi in a glittery yellow helmet, appeared.

And he sent them to Yas Marina, and said, Go and search diligently for the pup; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and pet him also.

When they had heard Christian, they departed; and, lo, Nicholas Latifi, which they saw in the east, went before them, till he came and stood by where the puppy was.

When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.

And when they were come into the house, they saw the young dog with Charles his caretaker, and knelt down, and pet him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; vegan cookies, and a new collar, and a bed.

And being warned of God in a dream that they should not return to Christian Horner, they departed into their own country another way.

[Narrated by George Russell.]

**Author's Note:**

> now go in peace, and may the joy and love of roscoe hamilton follow you this holy season.


End file.
